I'm feeling better today. I had a really good time last night. Graham Colton + Stephen Kellogg + NeedToBreathe = AWESOME SHOW! The sun makes me feel better, too. I just want to soak it up through my eyes and my skin. Mmm, vitamin D!
And I talked to "Derek" at dinner. I can't stop. I'm addicted. He does something to me. Makes me feel special? Not quite. Let's me say things I've always wanted to say? I needed an outlet for my not-so-innocent side. I wish I knew how he felt. Does he think its sexy? Or just creepy? What would happen if he was single? Too many questions that just are not going to be answered. Let it be fun while it lasts. He's not putting a stop to it. I like to feel like I have a little power over him. He makes me smile, I make him smile. We think about each other. Does he? We care about how each other's doing, right? He thinks I'm funny, I like when he calls me naugthy. Good practice for the future.
Old fears coming back. Am I just obnoixious? Can I not believe that he really does want to talk to me? Who started it? I like to think that he opened the door and I walked in. I'm not totally to blame. But I can't let my mood depend on him. Pathetic. I can be strong. I pray that something happens. I've done it before and its worked. Good or bad, right? Out of sight, out of mind. I'd have to leave my job.
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